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❝ After all the shit you’ve put me through, i’ll still always be there for you. ❞
16
Today, was the day my brother died 3 years ago. This is one of the reason I didn’t want any of my friend following me on Tumblr, because they’d see this. See me vulnerable, sad, not myself. But this is one of the days I can’t be myself. So here I go. Words can’t even express how I feel right now. I feel…I don’t know. I am in the process of moving, I opened my drawers finding pictures of me and you James. See the Kanye West CD you bought be for Christmas because you know I loved the song Heartless. I know you’re in heaven smiling down on me. I know, but it’s hard not seeing your face and hearing your voice. People don’t understand, you were my brother. My ONLY sibling and you died…you’re gone. I wish I could have one more day with you. And say how much you meant to me. Because our last words did’t express that at all. You made me who I am today. Strong, independent, and a little weird. <3 Haha, you were my best friend. And my best friend’s gone now, and everyday is a challenge that I get through knowing i’ll see your face again one day. Today I saw mom cry for the first time ever. I never knew how much it’d hurt. She was sad because you’re gone. Dad kept his tough look on, but I knew in his face he wasn’t okay at all. Every birthday card, Christmas gift or anything always says From: James but I miss seeing you give it to me. I miss you. Why’d God take you away from me? I guess he needed another perfect angel. I hope something good comes out of this. One day i’lll know why he did it, just not now. I miss you. I’m stronger now. I accepted you’re gone forever, I just don’t know how to get each day with you not here. I only tell certain people about you. I mean besieds Facebook but they don’t even know half of the story. I post stuff about you ion there, not for the attention, that’s all BS, but to get the message out, ANYONE can be taken away from you, so quit taking advantage of them. That’s exactly what I did, but now I paid the price and lost you. I love you, you’ll always be my big brother and my best friend. I love you so much. R.I.P James Peterson. May 12, 2009. 
1
Well,

this is like the only website I can post something and not be judged so here we go. I miss my brother so much. Everyone tells me how proud he’d be if he was still alive, and how he’d be with me all the time. But I want him here with ME. God has a plan for everyone, but what’s my plan? Why’d he take my brother away. Because now I feel so alone when my parents are at work. I’m always surrounded by friends yet I still feel alone without him here. I feel like there’s just a part of me missing where I am. I hate the feeling of loosing someone you love in your life. It is so terrible and tragic and no one gets it. People realize it for a week, then it fades from them. For me, it’s an every day thing. I’m happy most of the time. I never tell people what’s going on, because I feel like i’m dragging them a long with me, and that’s not who I want to be. I have the best memories with people, I just wish my brother was along with me supporting me like everyone else is. 


(Source: badtvblog)


(Source: blau-rosa)